maneesh.co.in

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it...What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th. I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') -"I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I gues! s it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality', 'versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in 2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to xyz.

• I say no to drugs they just don't listen A friend in need is a pest indeed.
• Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
• Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
• When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
• The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
• Born free taxed to death.
• Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
• Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
• Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
• If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
• It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
• I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
• A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
• The hardest part of skating is the ice.
• My phone number is 17. We got one of the early ones.
• The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
• The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
• In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
• If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
• If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
• Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
• If you can't convince them, confuse them.
• It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
• Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
• Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
• The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
• Someday is not a day of the week.

Just find your profession below and we have the right name for you!

Lawyer's daughter: Sue

Thief's son: Rob

Lawyer's son: Will

Doctor's son: Bill

Hair stylist's son: Bob

Homeopathic doctor's son: Herb

Justice of the peace's daughter: Mary

Sound stage technician's son: Mike

Gambler's daughter: Bette

Iron worker's son: Rusty

TV star's daughter: Emmy

Movie star's son: Oscar

One fine day, a bus driver went to the     Bus garage, started his Bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for Body Building courses, Karate, Judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!"

The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And, WHY NOT ??"

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a Bus Pass !!!!"

Management Lesson: "Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one !!!!"

Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio
Cate Blanchett
Alan Alda
Alec Baldwin
Kate Beckinsale
John C. Reilly

This is one of my all time favorite movies. The story is about a 22 year old film maker who is obsessed with whatever he does. Soon his obsession gets converted to madness and strange things happen. I liked the acting of Leonardo, I became his huge fan in this movie. Oh boy, the lines "Get me the blueprints, Get me the blueprints, Get me the blueprints....." was a great one. The movie won 5 academy awards: Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Cate Blanchett, Best Art Direction: Dante Ferretti and Francesca Lo Schiavo, Best Cinematography: Robert Richardson, Best Editing: Thelma Schoonmaker, Best Costume Design: Sandy Powell.

Cast: Joe Pesci
Marisa Tomei
Ralph Macchio
Mitchell Whitfield
Lane Smith

The movie is about two guys who gets arrested and there comes one guy's brother who is a an attorney. Oh boy! Joes Pesci is the attorney and he has acted brilliantly. After this movie I became his fan. I have laughed in movie like never before and this is one of my favorite movies. Marisa Tomei won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress.

Cast: Jack Nicholson
Louise Fletcher
William Redfield
Brad Dourif
Will Sampson
Danny DeVito
Scatman Crothers
Christopher Lloyd

The movie is about a criminal who is transferred to mental institution. During his stay he finds out the doctors and nurses over their are more crazy than the crazy people. The movie is a great one with Jack Nicholson in a brilliant role. The movie won 5 academy awards: Academy Award for Best Picture  — Michael Douglas, Saul Zaentz, Academy Award for Best Director — Milos Forman, Academy Award for Best Actor — Jack Nicholson, Academy Award for Best Actress — Louise Fletcher, Academy Award for Writing Adapted Screenplay - Laurence Hauben, Bo Goldman.

Cast: Anupam Kher
Boman Irani
Parvin Dabas
Vinay Pathak
Ranvir Shorey

The movie is wonderful with humor like never before. The movie is about a middle class man in Delhi and his family. The story, direction, acting and screenplay all of them are flawless and that's what make the movie perfect. Director Dibakar Banerjee should be credited for that I guess. No matter there was talented actors in the movie but I have seen high budget movies with loads of actors turning out to be crap. So, I would give maximum credit to the director, which is actually the creator of the movie. What a hilarious movie and that too jokes from real life things, Kudos!

Cast: Charlton Heston
Jack Hawkins
Haya Harareet
Stephen Boyd
Hugh Griffith

The movie is about a guy Ben Hur at the time of Christ. The story revolves around Ben Hur who is a rich guy but falls in some problems due to his childhood friend. The direction and screenplay is outstanding.  It is in the list of some of my favorite movies. The movie won 11 academy awards for Best Motion Picture, Best Director for William Wyler, Best Leading Actor for Charlton Heston,  Best Supporting Actor for Hugh Griffith, Best Set Decoration, Color for Edward C. Carfagno, William A. Horning, and Hugh Hunt, Best Cinematography, Color, Best Costume Design, Color, Best Special Effects, Best Film Editing for John D. Dunning and Ralph E. Winters, Best Music, Scoring of a Dramatic or Comedy Picture; and for Best Sound. It is the only movie with Titanic and Lord of the rings to receive 11 academy awards. What a great movie, a must watch.

Cast: Naseeruddin Shah
Ravi Baswani
Bhakti Barve
Satish Shah
Om Puri
Pankaj Kapur
Satish Kaushik
Neena Gupta

The movie is about two struggling camera man in Bombay. They discover a dead body and that's how the whole drama starts. The movie also shows the corruption in construction business and how truth can be tackled by power. The movie is great and fun to watch.