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Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of Engineering: Uh, What? I’m not familiar with that term

I want to thank all my friends and other unknown people who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004 & 2005 and 2006.

Because of your kindness :

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good only for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I  get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will get sick from the rat shit and urine.

When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..Now most of those "Wishes" are already married (to someone else)!

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you do not send this e-mail to at least 913760 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will shit on your head today at 6:30 p.m.

Give me a break!!

As bound to happen, the wires have got crossed

Lee Sum Wan: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?"

Mr Sori: "Yes, you can speak to me."

Lee Sum Wan: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan."

Mr Sori: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"

Lee Sum Wan: "I'm Sum Wan. I need to talk to Annie Wan. It's urgent."

Mr Sori: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"

Lee Sum Wan: "Look, just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother was involved in an accident.

Noe Wan was injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is going to the hospital."

Mr Sori: "Well, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident, that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"

Lee Sum Wan: "You are very rude. Who are you?"

Mr Sori: "I'm Sori."

Lee Sum Wan: "You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"

Mr Sori: "I'm Sori!"

Lee Sum Wan: "I don't like your tone of voice, mister, and I don't care. Now give me your name!"

Mr Sori: "Look, lady, I told you already. I'm Sori! I'm Sori! I'm SORI! You didn't even give me your name!"

Lee Sum Wan: "I told you before, I'm Sum Wan! Sum Wan! You better be careful, man. My father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very prestigious position in the family business. He is Noe Buddy."

Mr Sori (sarcastically): "Oh, I'm so scared. Look, I don't care about your uncle; he's a nobody. Everybody thinks he's top dog and holding an important position in the company."

Lee Sum Wan: "No, Avery Buddy just married my aunt. And Avery Buddy doesn't work there."

Mr Sori: "Like I said, I don't care which one of your aunts sleeps around, and I also know that not everybody works here! Jeez! Now, which one of my employees do you want to talk to?"

Lee Sum Wan: "Wheech Wan is my sister!"

Mr Sori: "I don't know which one is your sister! How in God's name would I know that......and they both put the phone down angry at each other...i wonder why?????

A collegian was deeply in love with a pretty girl, But he did not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to go alone and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a letter of proposal to her. HE WROTE: Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much meditation, I have a strong indication to become your relation. As to my educational qualification, it is no exaggeration or fabrication that I have passed my matriculation examination; no doubt without any hesitation and very little preparation. What do you say to the solemnization of our    marriage celebration according to the glorification of modern civilization and with a view to the expansion of the population of present generation. On your approbation of this application, I shall make preparation to improve my situation, and if such obligation is worthy of consideration it will be our argumentation of the joy and exaltation of our joint dissimulation. Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion to remain victim of your fascination.

SHE WROTE BACK : Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination, Congratulation for your lengthy narration, of course, full of affection aimed at an affiliation for a combination which on examination, I find is a fine presentation of your ambition. You have passed your matriculation with little preparation, what about my graduation after a long botheration, so improve situation in education and make an application by acquisition of post graduation and minimum qualification for the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation undergo beautification. Further strict observation of the following conditions is the regulation for the determination of our relation:
1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection.
2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim of any fascination and,
3. Procreation must not be your recreation.

In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper conversation. I remain unaffected by your affection.

Madam:

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely. I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot. I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay.

Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am.

I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the gym and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want, you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the gym.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the gym.

If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon,

Yours and only yours

Thanks & Regards

He didn't like the curry
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard ...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't prepare the coffee right

He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Isn't there anything I could do
To match his mothers shoe

Then I smiled as I saw light
One thing I could definitely do
I turned around and slapped him tight...
Like his mother used to!!!

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. Man: "What was that for?" Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?" Man: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on." The wife looked all satisfied and goes off to work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting. Man: "What the hell was that for this time?" Wife: "Your horse called."

To, Juliana Fitzwater 7.0 S.M

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms Juliana,

I am! very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 20th of October (Thursday). With reference to the  meeting held between us on the 19th of Oct. at 1500hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take! up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to ! kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best! Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely, HR Manager

A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road.A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car..The man says, "What's the problem officer?"

Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you.

Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.

Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80!
[The man gives wife dirty look.]

Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks![The man gives his wife another a dirty look.]

Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt! The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For crying' out loud, can't you just shut up?!"

The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, Does your husband talk to you this way all the time?" Wife says, "No officer, Only when he's drunk."

Dad to Son : When I beat u how do u control your anger.
son: I start cleaning toilet.
Dad: how does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean with your tooth brush.