maneesh.co.in

1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort.

Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.

2. Be cheerful at all times.

Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.

3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated.

Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.

4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief.

You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends
any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.

5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it.

It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.

6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily.

Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest.

7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly.

You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.

8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford.

It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.

9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor.

The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure.

10. Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care.

This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.

When the Gynaecologists delivered a proposal to the hospital panel of doctors for adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised against rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians stated they were all labouring under a conception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted, the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body", while the Paediatricians said, "Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness. The Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Radiologists could see right through it!

The Physicians thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water .

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologist didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some butt hole in Administration.

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful am I for you?

Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of Engineering: Uh, What? I’m not familiar with that term

A lady arrived at the airport after spending 36 hours in transit. She was fully exhausted after such a long trip with her 6 young kids. Collecting many suitcases, the family entered the cramped customs area.

A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he said, "do all these children and this luggage belong to you?"

"Yes, sir," the lady said with a sigh. "They're all mine."

The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?"

"Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now."

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.

I'm sorry.

Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky…………..

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope….along with this note:

Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,

Spotted in a toilet of a Londonoffice: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a London Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an London office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a London second hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in London health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a London conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyse the situation.

If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the Accounts Department.

If they are recounting them. Put them in Auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in Engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in Planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in Operations.

If they are sleeping. Put them in Security.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in Information Technology.

If they are sitting idle. Put them in Human Resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in Sales.

If they have already left for the day. Put them in Marketing.

If they are staring out of the window. Put them in Strategic Planning.

And then last but not least. If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved. Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

Anubhav: Bhootkal me ki gayi galtiyon ka dusra nam.

Avsarwadi: Wah vyakti jo nadi me galti se gir pade to nahana shuru kar de.

Kanjoos: Wah vyakti jo zindagi bhar garibi me rehta hai taaki ameeri me mar sake.

Apradhi: Duniya ke baki logon jaisa hi ek manushya sivay iske ki wah pakda gaya hai.

Adhikari: Wah jo apke pahuchne ke pehle office pahunch jata hai aur yadi aap jaldi pahunch jaye to kaafi der se aata hai.

Samjhauta: Kisi cheez ko bantne ka wah tareeka jisme har vyakti samajhta hai ki use bada hissa mila.

Conference room: Wah sthan jahan har vyakti bolta hai koi nahin sunta hai aur ant me sab asahmat hote hain.

Param anand: Ek aisi anubhuti jab aap anubhav karte hain ki aap ek aisi anubhuti ko anubhav karne ja rahe hain jo aapne pehle kabhi anubhav nahin ki hai.

Shreshth pustak: Jiski sab prashansa karte hain par padhta koi nahin hai.

Karyalay: Wah sthan jahan aap ghar ke tanavo se mukti pakar vishram kar sakte hain.

Samiti: Aise vyakti jo akele kuch nahin kar sakte parantu ye nirnay milkar karte hain ki sath sath kuch nahi kiya ja sakta.

Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you? "Well, I doubt it,
but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not'
take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,

Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact
remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now.

Love,

Mom.