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Ek din raju ke papa ek robot le kar aaye. Wah robot jhoot pakad sakta tha aur jhoot bolne wale ko gal par kheench kar chanta mar deta tha. Aaj raju school se der se aya tha... papa ne poocha ghr lautne me der kaise ho gayi? "aaj hamari extra classes thi" raju ne jawab diya. robot achanak apni jagah se uchla aur raju ke gal par chanta mar diya. papa haskar bole "ye robot har jhoot ko pakad sakta hai aur jhoot bolne wale ko chanta bhi marta hai. ab sach kya hai ye batao kahan gaye the?" "mai film dekhne gaya tha" raju bola. "kaun si film" papa ne kadakkar poocha... "Krrish"    chatak...abhi raju ki bat poori bhi nahi hui thi ki uske gal par robot ne jor se chanta mara. "kaun si film?" papa ne phir poocha. "kaatil jawani". papa gusse me bole "sharm aani chahiye tumhe, jab mai tumhare jitna tha to aise harkaten nahi kiya karta  tha." chatak...robot ne ek chanta mara...is bar papa ke gaal par...yeh sunte hi mummy kitchen me se aate hui boli "aakhir tumhara beta hai na..jhoot to bolega hi"...abh mummy ki baari thi chatak...

A guy phones up his Boss's but gets the bosses' wife instead. "I'm afraid he died last week." she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week." The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?" He replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

He didn't like the curry
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard ...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't prepare the coffee right

He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Isn't there anything I could do
To match his mothers shoe

Then I smiled as I saw light
One thing I could definitely do
I turned around and slapped him tight...
Like his mother used to!!!

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, "Er... excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?" She responds in a loud voice : "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table. After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." The young man responds loudly with, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THREE THOUSAND RUPEES. THATS TOO MUCH !

A woman had 3 girls. One day she decides to test her sons in law. She invites the first one for a stroll by the lake shore, purposely falls in and pretends to be drowning. Without any hesitation the son-in-law jumps in and saves her. The next day he finds a brand new car in his driveway with this message on the windshield:

Thank You!
Your mother-in-law who loves you!

A few days later, the lady does the same thing with the second son in law. He jumps in the water and saves her also. She offers him a new car with the same message on the windshield:

Thank You!
Your mother-in-law who loves you!

A few days later she does the same thing with the third son in law. While she is drowning the son-in-law looks at her without moving an inch and thinks: -"Finally! It's about time that this old witch dies! The next morning he receives a brand new car with this message:

Thank You!
Your father-in-law!

• If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.
• If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for?
• Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• Practice makes a man perfect... - But nobody's perfect..... . So why practice?
• Money is not everything. - There's MasterCard & Visa.
• One should love animals. - They are so tasty .
• Save water. - Shower with your girl friend.
• Love the neighbor. - But don't get caught.
• Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
• Every man should marry. - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
• The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.
• Success is a relative term. - It brings so many relatives.
• Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
• Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop
• Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children
• "Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep
• There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning
• "Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk !
• "Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!
• God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends.
• When two's company, - three's the result!
• The more you learn, the more you know,The more you know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you know - So... Why learn.
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.... What more can I say........

A woman decides to have a face-lift, for her birthday. She spends $5000, and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 47," the woman says happily. A little while later, she goes into McDonald's, and asks the counter girl, the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47." Now she's feeling really good, about herself. She stops in a drugstore, on her way down the street. She! goes up to the counter, to get some mints, and asks the clerk, this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but thank you." While waiting, for the bus to go home, she asks an old man, waiting next to her, the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78, and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way, to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you, to let me kiss you, Then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are." They wait in silence on the empty street, until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead, but make it fast" He slowly starts kissing her. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay,...how old am I?" He kisses her one more time and says, "Madam, you are 47." Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?" The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?" "I promise I won't." she says. He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

• Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
• Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
• Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free?
• Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
• Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?
• Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?
• Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number?
• If lava melts rock, wouldn’t the lava melt the volcano?
• Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day?
• What happens when you say “hi” to your friend on an airplane who's name is Jack?
• If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
• If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
• Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?
• If no one buys a ticket to a movie, does the movie still play?
• Why is that when fish die in water, they float to the top, but when humans die in water, they sink to the bottom?
• Why is Bra singular and Panties plural?
• Why can't we sneeze with our eyes open?
• What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?
• Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
• Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is the same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together?
• Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?
• Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?
• Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ?
• Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
• Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
• If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
• Why do they call it “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” when they know the answer is going to be everyone?
• IF MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES, WHY DO BANKS HAVE BRANCHES?
• Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
• Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
• If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
• If you take a shower, where do you put it?
• Why aren't there bulletproof pants?
• Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?" The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay." The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here." The shepherd cheers," That's correct, you can have your sheep." The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not". The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant ".How did you know?" asks the young man. "Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business...Now can I have my DOG back?"